Posts Tagged ‘Teabagger’

Who is the typical Teabagger?  We’re just your everyday white, republican, christian, mostly males.  We do allow some women to join our cause, because, after all, somebody has to do the cooking.

We go to church on Sunday, and then gather together afterwards for a beer or two, and discuss how to get rid of the black muslim socialist in the white house.  We’re not your liberal educated yuppie.  We’re hard working, hard drinking people who listen attentively to  Glenn Beck so we know what to be outraged about.

Just to prove that we’re just your average Joe SixPack,  here are some photos taken at some Tea Party Protests.

The year 2009 has been very eventful for the United States.   Somehow, a Black Muslim managed to get himself inaugurated as “our”  President.   Surprisingly, this event actually turned out to be somewhat positive,  since it gave REAL Americans a cause to fight for – restoration of our country to it’s rightful owners – White Christian Men.

As the end of the year approaches,  it’s only fitting that we take a look at the actions of some of our loyal Teabaggers, and determine who made the greatest contribution to our cause.  So we decided to create an award to honor that person, who will be declared “Teabagger of the Year”.

Of course, deciding to give an award is only the first step.  Once that decision was made, we concentrated on designing the perfect representation of what we stand for.   An ordinary statue would just not be enough.  We wanted to make sure that one glance would make it apparent why it was awarded.

It wasn’t a hard decision.  Since we were giving an award for the most valuable person in our Movement,  we decided that our design would be based on another movement – one that every person in America is familiar with.

Now we come to our awardee.  You might think that we would select one of the Tea Party Movement leaders, or perhaps a TV personality like Glenn Beck, or a courageous politician like Sarah Palin. But you’d be wrong.  Our selection is someone who is not generally known.  But that doesn’t mean that he hasn’t worked hard to promote our cause – the removal of Barack Hussein Obama’s ass from the chair that was never intended for someone like him.  Our honoree has worked tirelessly for the Tea Party Movement.

Our 2009 Teabagger of the Year is Doug Davis, publisher of the blog http://teapartyhandbook.blogspot.com!  And we are proud to present him with the prestigious  Golden Movement Award.  Congratulations, Doug!

Why did we select Doug over others?  Simply put, he is willing to go to great lengths to get rid of Barack Hussein Obama.  He is a true soldier for the cause.

He’s shown quite a talent for describing the President,  using colorful words like idiot, moron, liar, socialist, fascist, racist, and marxist. He has expertly pointed out the similarities between the Obama administration and the Nazi regime of Adolf Hitler, and was one of the first to warn us of Obama’s Snitch Police,  whose job is to come to your house and take you away under the guise of questioning,  but in reality to make you disappear.

In one of his finest posts,  he suggested that we should rise up and crush the government.

He has shown almost as much courage as Sarah Palin showed when she quit as governor of Alaska.

We could go on and on, but you can read his blog yourself,  and we suggest that you do, so you can see what kind of American he is.

Once again, Doug – Congrats!  We’re proud of you.

As we all know, a big part of being a Teabagger is having the ability to make things up and saying them with such conviction that people think you really believe it.   Of course, when we do that we run the risk of having someone smart around that actually knows the real truth.

So it’s also important to know what to do when you get caught in a bald-faced lie.  Many Teabaggers don’t know how to deal with that situation.  So today we bring you a video of the master of deceit himself – Glenn Beck – when he was put in the very uncomfortable position of being presented with the truth on the View.

Pay close attention to how he handles it.  He’s a master.  When asked why he lied, he simply says “I don’t know”.   When asked if he ever checks his facts, he skillfully sidesteps the question and changes the subject.  This is a technique that is absolutely critical for all Tea Party proponents to master. Here’s how its done:

• Never wear your robe and hood to a Town Hall Meeting
• Whenever anything bad happens, find a way to blame Obama. If nothing bad happens, make something up, and then blame Obama.
• Use labels  like Socialist, Fascist, Communist, Progressive.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what they mean
• Accuracy and truth aren’t important.  If you repeat something enough times,  you’ll start believing it yourself.
• You don’t need to watch any TV station except FOX.  They are the only station that tells the truth
• Use words like “idiot”, “moron” and “liar” when describing the President.
• Don’t openly admit that you have a problem with a black man being President. You can get the idea across in subtle ways
• Support Sarah Palin for president.  She’s the most qualified American for the job.  After all, she showed great courage by quitting as governor of Alaska.
• Mention Obama’s middle name “Hussein” every chance you get.
• When blogging, don’t publish comments that correct your facts or disagree with your stand.  Only publish comments from other Teabaggers.  If nobody comments, you can always make up a “reader” with a witty name like “Mr. Anonymous” and enter comments supporting your stand.
• Don’t ever allow a non-Teabagger to speak at a town hall meeting.  Just yell as loud as you can, and claim the first amendment gives you the right to suppress opposing views.  Ignore the fact that the other person has first amendment rights too.
• Accuse the government, and especially the President, of unconstitutional behavior every chance you get.  Don’t worry if you don’t understand the constitution.
• use catchy phrases like “snitch police”, “junk science”, “death panels” and “throwing grandma under the bus”
• Pay no attention to scientific studies regarding health care and climate change.   Facts just get in the way.
• Always present yourself as an expert in everything.  Belittle the actual experts using some of the labels previously mentioned.
• When caught in a lie, just change the subject, preferably by telling another lie.
• Try to convince people that there is a conspiracy between the government and the media (with the exception of Fox News) to strip away all your freedoms.
• Promote Glenn Beck as the person who has the answer to all America’s problems.  His lack of credentials is nothing to worry about.  Try to learn to cry on demand, just like Glenn.