Who is the typical Teabagger?  We’re just your everyday white, republican, christian, mostly males.  We do allow some women to join our cause, because, after all, somebody has to do the cooking.

We go to church on Sunday, and then gather together afterwards for a beer or two, and discuss how to get rid of the black muslim socialist in the white house.  We’re not your liberal educated yuppie.  We’re hard working, hard drinking people who listen attentively to  Glenn Beck so we know what to be outraged about.

Just to prove that we’re just your average Joe SixPack,  here are some photos taken at some Tea Party Protests.

The year 2009 has been very eventful for the United States.   Somehow, a Black Muslim managed to get himself inaugurated as “our”  President.   Surprisingly, this event actually turned out to be somewhat positive,  since it gave REAL Americans a cause to fight for – restoration of our country to it’s rightful owners – White Christian Men.

As the end of the year approaches,  it’s only fitting that we take a look at the actions of some of our loyal Teabaggers, and determine who made the greatest contribution to our cause.  So we decided to create an award to honor that person, who will be declared “Teabagger of the Year”.

Of course, deciding to give an award is only the first step.  Once that decision was made, we concentrated on designing the perfect representation of what we stand for.   An ordinary statue would just not be enough.  We wanted to make sure that one glance would make it apparent why it was awarded.

It wasn’t a hard decision.  Since we were giving an award for the most valuable person in our Movement,  we decided that our design would be based on another movement – one that every person in America is familiar with.

Now we come to our awardee.  You might think that we would select one of the Tea Party Movement leaders, or perhaps a TV personality like Glenn Beck, or a courageous politician like Sarah Palin. But you’d be wrong.  Our selection is someone who is not generally known.  But that doesn’t mean that he hasn’t worked hard to promote our cause – the removal of Barack Hussein Obama’s ass from the chair that was never intended for someone like him.  Our honoree has worked tirelessly for the Tea Party Movement.

Our 2009 Teabagger of the Year is Doug Davis, publisher of the blog http://teapartyhandbook.blogspot.com!  And we are proud to present him with the prestigious  Golden Movement Award.  Congratulations, Doug!

Why did we select Doug over others?  Simply put, he is willing to go to great lengths to get rid of Barack Hussein Obama.  He is a true soldier for the cause.

He’s shown quite a talent for describing the President,  using colorful words like idiot, moron, liar, socialist, fascist, racist, and marxist. He has expertly pointed out the similarities between the Obama administration and the Nazi regime of Adolf Hitler, and was one of the first to warn us of Obama’s Snitch Police,  whose job is to come to your house and take you away under the guise of questioning,  but in reality to make you disappear.

In one of his finest posts,  he suggested that we should rise up and crush the government.

He has shown almost as much courage as Sarah Palin showed when she quit as governor of Alaska.

We could go on and on, but you can read his blog yourself,  and we suggest that you do, so you can see what kind of American he is.

Once again, Doug – Congrats!  We’re proud of you.

reprinted from The Borowitz Report

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – The United States Senate today unveiled details of its health care plan, tentatively called CompromiseCare^TM:

• Under CompromiseCare^TM, people with no coverage will be allowed to keep their current plan.
• Medicare will be extended to 55-year-olds as soon as they turn 65.
• You will have access to cheap Canadian drugs if you live in Canada.
• States whose names contain vowels will be allowed to opt out of the plan.
• You get to choose which doctor you cannot afford to see.
• You will not have to be pre-certified to qualify for cremation.
• A patient will be considered “pre-existing” if he or she already exists.
• You’ll be free to choose between medications and heating fuel.
• Patients can access quality health care if they can prove their name is “Lieberman.”
• You will have access to natural remedies, such as death.

We all know that signs play a big part in the Tea Party Movement. So it’s important to understand the nuances of creating effective signage. Let’s take a look at some examples:

This is a great example of something that we should do every chance we get – try to make Obama the center of your dissent.  After all, we all know that the number one goal of the Tea Party Movement is to drive him screaming from the Oval Office.

Don’w worry at all about the lack of respect for America that this approach shows.  In this case, the end justifies the means.

The Tea Party Movement prides itself in the fact that we know God is on our side.  It’s a little-known fact that He created Tea Bags on the 8th day.  So we should take every possible opportunity to equate our movement with Christianity.  It doesn’t matter that most of our methods directly conflict with Christ’s teachings.  Just use the word “Faith” in any explanation you offer.  It’s the wild card you can use in any discussion when you don’t have a real answer to use.

Signs aren’t very effective without slogans.  The catchier the better.  Here we see an effective use of many of our favorite buzzwords.  Others you can use include “Fascist”, “Nazi”, and “Socialist”.  Don’t worry if they don’t really apply to the situation.  After all, truth and accuracy are not on the list of things that are important to Teabaggers.

The caption reads "National Socialist Health Care. Dachau, Germany 1945"

Pictures of dead bodies are very effective in getting people’s attention.  If those dead bodies are Holocaust victims,  it’s even more effective.  This sign is superbly designed, since it shows the obvious correlation between the Nazis and the Obama administration.   It also falls right in line with Sarah Palin’s “Death Panels” stance.

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By this time,  you should have the ability to create your own Tea Party sign.   Remember, the more offensive it is, the more attention it will get.

And don’t forget that famous quote from Bill Engvall: “Here’s Your Sign”.

Hold it proudly.

As we all know, a big part of being a Teabagger is having the ability to make things up and saying them with such conviction that people think you really believe it.   Of course, when we do that we run the risk of having someone smart around that actually knows the real truth.

So it’s also important to know what to do when you get caught in a bald-faced lie.  Many Teabaggers don’t know how to deal with that situation.  So today we bring you a video of the master of deceit himself – Glenn Beck – when he was put in the very uncomfortable position of being presented with the truth on the View.

Pay close attention to how he handles it.  He’s a master.  When asked why he lied, he simply says “I don’t know”.   When asked if he ever checks his facts, he skillfully sidesteps the question and changes the subject.  This is a technique that is absolutely critical for all Tea Party proponents to master. Here’s how its done: